Think about a time when you took a few moments to move from one thing in your life to another. Maybe you had an important conference call or presentation, and you took ten minutes before it started to fold some laundry or walk around the block. Maybe you went for a run Friday after work to burn off some stress before settling in for a long weekend with the kids. Whether you were aware of it or not, you weren’t simply “clearing your head” before you moved into the next task–you were self-soothing, self-regulating, and engaging in good transition habits.
As we close the books on e-learning and start venturing out into reopening public spaces, we need to be extra conscious of how things have changed and how these changes are affecting our families. Sudden changes in environment or routine can leave some children, especially those with special needs, feeling overwhelmed, deregulated, and anxious. Below are some tips and suggestions for effectively managing transitions for your child. (See also: our previous post on managing deregulation.)
Talk about what’s changing.
- Set your child’s expectations accordingly. Focus specifically on what tangible, practical things will be different for her and how her routine will need to adjust. What exactly is changing? What exactly will be different? What is staying the same? Having an idea of what to expect and what to count on can be hugely comforting.
- Build your child’s confidence by talking with her about times things have changed in the past and how she was able to manage it successfully. (“I know starting fourth grade can feel hard and scary. It might feel like starting third grade last year. What did you do to help you get through it then? You sure learned a lot. Is there something you will do differently this time?”)
- Give your child a manageable number of options and choices whenever possible. She shouldn’t necessarily be the primary decision maker, but she should know you value her input and want her to be happy. (“Would you like to have reading time before or after lunch today? Would you like to have apples or oranges with your snack?”)
- When giving your child choices, focus on the desired outcome. For example, you might ask what she wants to accomplish with her e-learning program, and she might respond, “I want to be done by 3:00.” Instead of focusing on the narrow parameters of the goal, reframe it as an opportunity to work on a desirable outcome–in this instance, the desirable outcome would be developing good time management skills.
Create a transition ritual.
- Rituals are a great way for children to learn to manage daily transitions, self-regulate, and develop the flexibility to adapt to new situations. Reserve small blocks of time between activities for jumping jacks, deep breaths, a walk around the block, or any combination of things that allow your child to calm down and recenter.
- Have your child incorporate some physical component into her ritual if possible. Think of a basketball player shooting free throws or a baseball player stepping up to the plate–a few small gestures can be a powerful signal to the brain that it’s time to shift focus.
- Create family rituals and traditions to mark major life events, seasonal changes, and weekly milestones. Start the summer with barbecue in the backyard, have a “fashion show” before the first day of school, or kick off the weekend with a Friday night movie. Having the whole family participate can be comforting to your child, and it can help her understand that changes in routine are a normal part of life and can be fun.
- Practice what you preach! Be conscious of what changes are affecting you and learn to cope with your anxiety. Create a transition ritual for yourself and model it for your child. Be vocal about what you’re doing to get yourself ready for the next thing in your day. (“I need a few minutes to get ready for my meeting. I’m going to take a walk around the block and get some of my energy out.”)
Control your environment.
- To the extent you can, organize the day in blocks that work well for your child. Pay close attention to her interests, frustrations, energy level, and attention span. Don’t try to force too many small activities back to back if her transitions tend to be long and difficult, and be sure to build in frequent movement breaks.
- Talk to your child about what activity is coming up next and give her verbal warnings, such as a five minutes until bedtime or ten minutes left to play outside. Keep in mind you’ll need to remind her more than once.
- Take care to limit distractions and potential sensory triggers. Be mindful of light coming from windows or lamps. Make sure your child has earbuds or noise canceling headphones if she needs them, and teach her how to adjust both the volume and brightness on your laptop, tablet, or phone.
- Arrange and rearrange your physical environment to best accommodate the task at hand. If possible, have different rooms for different activities, and move objects out of the area that aren’t needed. Put school computers and workbooks away on the weekend, for example, or put toys in a basket and take them out of the room during homework time.
- Let your child acclimate to each space and activity in a way that makes sense for her. You might have a few Legos in the corner of her reading area to help her calm down from a busy morning, or she might need to run outside and burn off energy before settling down into dedicated reading time. Either way is perfectly fine–just be strategic.