Twenty-One Senses

Helping families with sensory sensitive children navigate typical environments.

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Back To School: When Your Child’s Needs Aren’t Being Met

by Twenty-One Senses Team1 Comment

A few weeks ago, we talked about ways to be proactive, flexible, and collaborative when advocating for your child’s special needs at the start of the school year. Now that schools are fully back in session, parents everywhere are starting to feel the true limitations of virtual and blended learning. Many children—especially those with special needs—are struggling to manage their time, emotions, and workload outside of a traditional learning environment.

Your child might not be getting the support he needs right now, but that doesn’t mean your hands are tied. Below are some possible ways you can go about addressing gaps in your child’s accommodations. Remember, each response has pros and cons, and no solution works for everyone. You might even take different approaches at different points in your child’s life—and that’s okay! As always, only you know where you are on your journey and what feels right for your family right now.

Need someone to talk to about how to structure your child’s school day or advice on how to look for outside resources? Check out our new Caregiver Coaching service!

Option #1: Do nothing.

Though it can feel hopeless and frustrating, there are a myriad of reasons why you might not choose to pursue special accommodations for your child at this time. Maybe you feel overwhelmed by his struggles and aren’t sure where to start. Maybe you believe allowing him to have a “normal” childhood is more important than addressing some minor academic setbacks. Maybe you simply don’t have the bandwidth to juggle this new project in addition to the multitude of other responsibilities already on your plate.

Whatever the reason, finding yourself on this path doesn’t mean you don’t care about your child or that you’ve given up on him. Rather, frame this time as an opportunity to observe and learn about what makes your him tick. What kind of things make him frustrated? At what point does he give up or ask for help? What kinds of things does he love to do, and how does he excel at those things? This knowledge will be invaluable if/when you do pursue accommodations in the future.

Pros:

  • Both you and your child’s teacher will be able to observe his struggles and start collecting the data/examples you might need to advocate for him within the school.
  • You won’t be forced to spend time, money, or energy you don’t have right now.

Cons:

  • If you do nothing, nothing will change and your child will likely continue to struggle.
  • Those involved with your child on a daily basis (e.g. teachers, classmates, family members) will also continue to struggle to manage and support him.

Option #2: Demand change within the school system.

 

In some ways, this is the hardest and longest path to change, but it also yields the highest potential benefit to your child. That being said, you have to be tenacious. You need the time, energy, and resources to educate yourself about your particular district’s programs and policies. You need to have an understanding of how these programs operate during COVID—i.e., don’t expect services in week 2 if special ed programs aren’t starting until week 3. Finally, you need to come prepared with a clear description of your child’s struggles, anything you feel might contribute to his frustrations or inability to make progress, and some suggestions as to how the team, including parents, can address them in a virtual or blended setting.

Start by assuming the school is on your side, the teachers are good at their jobs, and everyone involved wants what’s best for your child. At the same time, acknowledge that COVID has been disruptive to virtually everyone and every system. Whether or not your school is able to provide him with every accommodation he needs, you will be on the path towards a better situation.

Pros:

  • Ideally, engaging the school is the first step in building a strong, coordinated team—including teachers, therapists, and psychologists—that will rally to support your child.
  • At the very least, you will be able to collect more data/examples/documentation on your child’s struggles and what the school is either unwilling or unable to address.
  • School services are provided during your child’s regular school day and generally don’t take time away from homework, extracurriculars, family time, or being with friends.

Cons:

  • It is hard. Dealing with the school system takes a lot of time, energy, purposeful observation, and creative thinking about how to solve problems—even when it feels like solving those problems should be the responsibility of teachers or case workers.

 

Option #3: Establish relationships directly with therapists, tutors, or other outside supports.

Whether you’re looking to establish entirely new supports or supplement existing ones, finding the right outside services for your child takes a lot of trial and error. In some cases, you’ll be able to provide the needed supports at home with relatively small investments. Most likely, though, you will need to spend some significant amount of time researching coaches, tutors, occupational therapists, physical therapists, psychologists, etc. Though these services can be expensive, this is the path that will have the most immediate effect on your child. 

School services are often incomplete/imperfect and might not be able to provide all the accommodations you need right now. This doesn’t necessarily mean your school is terrible or unwilling to cooperate; they simply might not be able to see things you’ve noticed in a home setting, or your child might be performing better at school—with various in-class supports—than he is at home, where schoolwork seems confusing and out of context. If you do feel the need to go outside of the school system for additional help, make sure you’re at least keeping them in the loop.

Pros:

  • You will be able to proactively, directly address your child’s issues and personally ensure that he’s getting the support and accommodations he needs to succeed.
  • You might be able to gain insight or more details about how to support your child in a day-to-day home setting, not just in an academic context.

Cons:

  • Tutors, coaches, and therapists can be costly in terms of both money and time.
  • You will become your child’s case manager. The burden of researching, scheduling, and coordinating different services now falls entirely on you, and it takes a lot of bandwidth.
  • Outside services don’t take place during your child’s school day. You will either need to occasionally remove him from class or take him away from extracurriculars, friends, etc.

Back to School: Returning to Remote Learning

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

While many students are now starting to return to in-person classes, many more are gearing up to get back to remote classes. Parents, having learned from the pains of last spring’s abrupt shift to e-learning, are frantically working to create the best possible at-home learning environment. Setting up at home doesn’t have to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful. When it comes to children with special needs, a little monetary investment and a lot of creative thinking can make a big difference in terms of focus and regulation.

Over the course of the summer, we’ve been taking some deep dives into pandemic parenting tips, things to think about prior to reopening, and how to better care for yourself so that you can care for your child. Need a refresher? Take a look at our previous articles on how to advocate for your child’s special needs, managing meltdowns, creating good transitions, and setting flexible goals.

Set up your space for success.

  • Create a separate, dedicated workspace in your house for each child and, if at all possible, make sure they’re far enough apart to keep them from seeing, hearing, or otherwise distracting each other while working. Let each child personalize his space—within reason—using posters, stickers, fun lighting and seating options, etc.
  • Take care to recreate any sensory-specific accommodations the school has made for your child up to this point: flexible seating and lighting, fidget options, etc. Don’t hesitate to reach out to his old teachers or special ed teachers if you need help or ideas.
  • Recreate some more general classroom elements as well. Many stores are now selling laminated wall charts featuring the alphabet, days of the week, and the weather. You can also make your own and have them laminated at your local office supply store.
  • If you’re able, get your child pumped up by going “back to school” shopping—whether online or in-store—and let him pick out some school supplies he’s excited about. Think funny notebooks, new headphones/headsets, flash drives, pens with different colored inks, and anything with a favorite character.
  • Set aside a couple hours to make sure all your child’s technology is set up and working properly. Download apps, double-check passwords, pair Bluetooth devices, etc. A little bit of time working out the kinks now will save hours of frustration later.

Focus on creating good transitions.

  • Create a weekly schedule for each child and hang it in an obvious place. Include a list of each class or subject, preferably color-coded, and a brief description of what your child should be doing in the few minutes between subjects (“Do 10 jumping jacks and get a glass of water,” or “Use the bathroom and move to the desk for math time.”)
  • Consider single-use timekeeping devices such as digital watches, timers, or alarm clocks. Whether it’s an old-school egg timer or a multi-sensory alarm clock designed for children with special needs, having a dedicated way to track time will keep your child from picking up his phone and becoming distracted throughout the day.
  • Further avoid distractions by using dedicated apps rather than bookmarks in your browser whenever possible. (Here are some ways for Mac users to turn web pages into dedicated desktop applications.)
  • Develop some strategies to help your child transition between activities that have to be done in the same space. Consider using different devices for different subjects, changing the lighting for math, facing another direction for social studies, putting some desk items away for reading, or simply hanging a sticky note with the current subject name above the desk. If you color-coded your schedule, make sure folders (both physical and digital), notebooks, and pens for each subject align to those colors.
  • Remember to keep moving! Remote learning likely means your child will be sitting in one or two spots for the majority of the day therefore won’t have as many natural breaks to get up, go outside, move up and down stairs, etc. Start the day with a walk or some exercise, and remember to build in frequent movement breaks.
  • Try to keep your child’s routine as regular as possible. Studies have shown that roughly consistent sleep and waking times help children stay focused and more regulated throughout the day. You might let him sleep later than he would for in-person classes, but the basic routine should be intact (brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc.).
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Sensory Spotlight: Interoception (Internal Bodily Awareness)

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

This is the ninth and final installment in our Sensory Spotlight series.

Interoception is the body’s ability to recognize and interpret its own internal cues, such as hunger, thirst, exhaustion, and pain. Children with interoceptive processing issues typically have disproportionately weak or strong reactions to normal bodily urges, such as feeling hungry or needing to use the bathroom. They may not be able to recognize pain or symptoms of exhaustion, or they might be unable to properly gauge the severity of such symptoms. You can read more about how the interoceptive system works on the STAR Institute’s website.

Like proprioception, interoception is not as commonly recognized as other senses, but it plays a critical role in the body’s ability to regulate and protect itself. It’s how you know when you’re exhausted and need to rest, when you’re hungry and need to eat, or when you’re cold and need to put on a jacket.

See below for a quick guide on identifying interoceptive seeking, avoiding, and discrimination issues in children.

Interoceptive Seekers May:

  • Have disproportionately weak reactions to normally bodily cues.
  • Crave interoceptive input and have problems with self-regulation.

Interoceptive Avoiders May:

  • Have disproportionately strong directions to normally bodily cues.
  • Constantly feel they are hungry, thirsty, or need to use the bathroom.
  • Feel pain more intensely or for a longer duration than others.

Those with Interoception Discrimination Disorder May:

  • Have disproportionately weak reactions—or no reaction—to normal bodily cues.
  • Have a high pain threshold and may not notice when injured.
  • Be unable to register hunger, thirst, or the need to use the bathroom until it’s an emergency.
  • Be unable to detect increased heart rate or breathing and may not feel tired until totally exhausted.

Sensory Spotlight: Proprioception (External Bodily Awareness)

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

This is the eight installment in our Sensory Spotlight series.

Proprioception, also known as kinesthesia, is the body’s ability to locate itself and its extremities in space using receptors in the skin, muscles, joints, and ligaments. It’s responsible for knowing how much effort to use when performing simple tasks, such as lifting a glass or using a pencil. Children with proprioceptive processing issues may have trouble gauging their own strength, or they may appear clumsy and frequently bump into walls, furniture, or other people. You can read more about how the proprioceptive system works on the STAR Institute’s website.

Proprioception isn’t as commonly known as sight or smell, but it’s a critical component of knowing how your body is positioned in relation to the world around you and how it should be moving. It’s how you’re able to walk up a flight of stairs while looking at your phone or find your way to the bathroom in a dark house.

See below for a quick guide on identifying proprioceptive seeking, avoiding, and discrimination issues in children.

Proprioceptive Seekers May:

  • Bump or crash into people or objects on purpose.
  • Enjoy rough play and constantly seem to be wrestling with siblings or friends.
  • Tend to stand too close to others or touch others without permission.
  • Crave bear hugs, holding hands, and other kinds of physical pressure.

Proprioceptive Avoiders May:

  • Avoid physical contact with others.
  • Appear very timid around peers and avoid physical play.
  • Refuse to play around slides, swings, and other playground equipment.
  • Become anxious in crowded spaces or when standing even somewhat close to others.
  • Be unable to properly assess risk in their physical environment. For example, they may believe they can fall into the small gap between the floor and an elevator.

Those with Proprioception Discrimination Disorder May:

  • Be unable to determine how much force they’re exerting on toys, pencils, etc.
  • Be unable to walk through familiar rooms in the dark without bumping into things.
  • Accidentally hurt themselves or others while playing.
  • Be unable to walk up or down stairs without watching their feet.

Back to School: Managing Anxiety and Setting Goals

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

Back to School is officially underway, and reopening plans and procedures are changing rapidly—sometimes from one day to the next. Parents and children alike are struggling to navigate the nuances of in-person vs. online classes, and we’re all dealing with the stress that comes with figuring out how to properly socially distance and keep the ones we love safe. 

A certain level of fear and apprehension is probably inevitable at this stage, but having a set of clear, defined goals and a path forward that accounts for the wants and needs of everyone in the family is the best antidote to anxiety. Below are a few things to think about as you gear up for the new year.

A couple notes:

  • Remember, you need to take care of yourself before you can be helpful to others. See our previous post for some tips on managing your own anxiety.
  • Everyone has bad days, but some of us need more help. Know your own threshold and watch your child for signs of depression and anxiety. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional if you think you or your child need it. (Learn more here.)

 

Build your plans and priorities together.

  • Hopefully, you’ve been talking to your child about your family’s re-opening and back to school plans for a while. If not, start now. Talk about why your family has decided on your particular plan and what specific, tangible things will be different about this school year. Make sure he has time to process and come back to you with questions. Have him repeat the plan back to you in his own words, and ask him what he’s nervous or concerned about. Be prepared to have this conversation many, many times.
  • Develop a hierarchy of priorities and address each new concern or development in relation to these. For instance, priority #1 is making sure everyone in the family is physically healthy, priority #2 is making sure everyone in the family is emotionally healthy, and priority #3 is making sure everyone can have some time to focus on jobs or schoolwork. These are your core objectives—be prepared to drop, modify, or postpone anything that interferes with them.
  • Set aside a time each day or week to meet and discuss your family’s goals and concerns, take stock of what’s going on in the outside world, and plan what you’ll do next. Keep the time and place of these meetings as consistent as possible. Give your child time to ask questions and follow up with specific questions of your own. Knowing he can count on these meetings will help give him a sense of security and resiliency.
  • Use these talks as an opportunity to start shifting some responsibility for self-soothing and self-regulation onto your child. Work on helping him “listen to his body” and matching physical sensations with his emotions. Talk about how he can know when he’s anxious and develop strategies he can use to make himself feel okay in uncomfortable situations.
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Give your child a voice and a vote.

  • Make sure to give your child a voice in your daily/weekly family discussions. Ask him what he needs to meet each of the three core objectives (happy, healthy, and productive) and how you can help with each. Focus on tangible things, like setting aside some time so he can ride his bike and get exercise, or ordering some new headphones so he can better concentrate on schoolwork. He might not always get exactly what he wants, but he will feel heard, respected, and more in control.
  • Remember, not all learning happens at school and not all productivity happens at work. Give your child the space and support to pursue some non-academic goals when possible. Skateboarding is a great way to work on balance and get some exercise, for example, and drawing can help him learn to process emotion and work through anxiety. Focus on the need or goal that is being met, not necessarily on the specific way he’s going about it.
  • That being said, giving your child a voice does not mean giving him total control. The goal is to incorporate what he wants into the things you know he needs as much as possible—it is not to make him superficially happy at all times. He may want to play video games for eight hours a day, for example, but you know that works against his best interests physically, emotionally, and relationally. As the parent, you have the right and responsibility to set healthy limits. 

Sensory Spotlight: Gustatory (Taste)

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

This is the seventh installment in our Sensory Spotlight series.

The gustatory system is responsible for the body’s ability to detect the chemicals in food that allow us to differentiate between sweet, salty, sour, bitter, and umami (savory) sensations. While the act of tasting is technically limited to this chemical process, the gustatory and olfactory senses are closely linked and combine to create what we perceive as flavor. Children with gustatory processing issues may have an unusually high or low appetite or very particular food preparation requirements (served at room temperature, chopped into small pieces, etc.). You can read more about how the gustatory system works on the STAR Institute’s website.

See below for a quick guide on identifying gustatory seeking, avoiding, and discrimination issues in children.

Gustatory Seekers May:

  • Seem to have an unusually large appetite.
  • Chew or suck on inedible objects, such as clothing or toys.
  • Prefer foods with specific flavors, such as sweet, bitter, or spicy.
  • Prefer foods with specific textures, such as crunchy, chewy, or mushy.
  • Enjoy the taste or texture of non-food items, such as Play-Doh, glue, or paint.

Gustatory Avoiders May:

  • Seem to have an unusually low appetite and/or be underweight.
  • Be “picky eaters” and have very specific food preparation requirements.
  • Avoid foods with specific flavors, such as sweet, bitter, or spicy.
  • Avoid foods with specific textures, such as crunchy, chewy, or mushy.

Those with Gustatory Discrimination Disorder May:

  • Be unable to detect flavor or distinguish between flavors.
  • Seem to have an unusually low appetite and/or be underweight.

Note: Contact your pediatrician immediately if you think your child is either eating non-food items or refusing food for any reason other than sensory issues.

Sensory Spotlight: Olfactory (Smell)

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

This is the sixth installment in our Sensory Spotlight series.

The olfactory system is responsible for the body’s ability to detect and recognize smells using chemical receptors in the nasal cavity. Children with olfactory processing issues may have trouble identifying hazardous or poisonous substances, such as gasoline, or they may be able to detect very faint scents others can’t perceive. Because smell is one of the two senses associated with flavor, sensitive children may also be hyper aware of smells associated with food and cooking. You can read more about how the olfactory system works on the STAR Institute’s website.

See below for a quick guide on identifying olfactory seeking, avoiding, and discrimination issues in children.

Olfactory Seekers May:

  • Actively smell everything, even things with unpleasant odors.
  • Prefer meals or specific foods with new or very strong smells.

Olfactory Avoiders May:

  • Complain about smells that are very faint or unnoticed by others.
  • Hold their noses or gag when encountering strong smells.
  • Refuse to eat foods with strong, new, or specific smells.
  • Avoid using public restrooms or eating in public spaces.

Those with Olfactory Discrimination Disorder May:

  • Be unable to recognize familiar or very common smells.
  • Accidentally eat spoiled food or nonedible, potentially harmful substances.
  • Be unable to detect hazardous chemical or burning odors. However, they might be vaguely aware that something is wrong.

Back to School: Revisit Your IEP and 504

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

If you’re a special needs parent, you know how important it is to advocate for your child’s needs at the start of each school year. You probably already know that the partnership relationships you form with teachers and administrators in the fall will form the foundation of your child’s success throughout the year. Whether you’re gearing up for homeschool, distance learning, in-person classes, or some combination of the three, now is the time to take another look at your child’s IEP/504 and to ensure that your child’s entire support team-—including you—is aligned on expectations regarding academics, behavior, and teacher-parent communication.

What new accommodations need to be made to best support your child in this new environment? What old accommodations are irrelevant or impossible during COVID? How will you partner with the school staff to identify and address problems and celebrate successes? How can the school support you as a parent, and how can your parenting support the school? Below are a few tips and things to think about as you prepare for the start of the new year.

Be proactive.

  • Now more than ever, your child’s success requires a proactive stance. Don’t wait until school starts to come up with a plan, or the district might have already implemented concrete processes that are very difficult or impossible to change.
  • Create a document that lists your child’s strengths and weaknesses, how these have impacted her academic performance in the past (both at home and at school), and how you predict they will impact her performance in her new learning environment. Include any current accommodations, and re-assess the needs they are addressing in light of COVID. Be as specific and concrete as possible. The school’s staff should have already read the existing documentation, but that’s not always the case—think of this as a cheat sheet to get everyone back up to speed.
  • Schedule a pre-school meeting with your IEP/504 team, and don’t be afraid to track them down via email or phone if you’re told they’re not available until school starts. Talk openly about your expectations, questions, and concerns. You don’t need to walk into—or out of—the meeting with all the answers. However, it is important that.everyone on your child’s team is on the same page and following the same game-plan, even when that means acknowledging that some concerns remain unaddressed and that some answers will unfold over time.
  • Develop a good communication plan. As the parent, you should be forewarned of any changes to your child’s schedule, curriculum, or physical surroundings. Set up frequent check-ins with her teacher and IEP/504 team and talk about the best way to keep you informed so that you can better prepare and socialize these changes at home.
  • If your child is physically returning to school, request a tour of the building before her first day so you can start prepping her. Pay attention to changes in the classroom and the location of bathrooms. If possible, have her teacher accompany you on the tour.

 

Be flexible.

  • Accept that any existing plans and accommodations will probably need to change—in fact the whole idea of “success” or “optimal performance” might need to change, especially for special needs children. You and/or your child’s teachers may not be able to evaluate certain things remotely, like how well she’s able to focus in class or on Zoom, so be willing to exchange observations and insights with school staff and to adjust your goals as needed.
  • Schedule frequent check-ins with your child’s teacher to discuss what’s working and what needs to change. Make sure to give each plan of action enough time to tell if it’s truly working, and agree on what the markers of success are and what will cause the plan to shift.  (“We are agreeing now that we will all start the year by trying Plan A. If my daughter meets this Goal by this Date, then we will all continue Plan A. If not, then within one week we will all switch to try Plan B.”)
  • Consider novel solutions to old problems. There may be cases in which your school simply can’t support your child to the same, pre-COVID level. Be open to bringing in outside coaches or tutors, and don’t hesitate to reach out to other parents for advice. (Need some advice? Check out our new caregiver coaching service!)
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Be collaborative.

  • Remember, you are part of the educational team now—you’ve spent a lot of valuable time with your child in quarantine, and you have unique insight into her that no one else has. You have a voice and a vote in these decisions.
  • Also remember that your special relationship with your child means that your child may respond differently to teachers and peers than to parents and siblings—for better or for worse! This is normal, especially after everyone in your household has all been through an intense spring and summer together. Be emotionally prepared to observe these differences in behavior, and try not to take them personally. Acknowledge what you observe, share it with the team, and maintain your focus on identifying your child’s needs and on partnering effectively with the school to ensure those needs are met.
  • Don’t shy away from sharing your experiences and talking to your team about any specific strategies or solutions that have worked for you—and what hasn’t worked. At the same time, be honest when you don’t have an answer. You don’t always have to.
  • Keep in mind that districts and teachers are struggling with how to manage COVID, too. Give them the benefit of the doubt and trust that they all care about your child’s success and doing their jobs well.
  • That being said, teachers and admins are definitely overwhelmed. Approach things with a spirit of collaboration, but remember things will slip through the cracks and you will have to be tenacious.

Sensory Spotlight: Vestibular (Balance and Spatial Orientation)

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

This is the fifth installment in our Sensory Spotlight series.

The vestibular system is responsible for the body’s sense of balance, motion, and spatial orientation. Children with vestibular processing issues may appear clumsy or hyperactive. They may also have issues tracking objects visually or performing fine motor tasks. 

The vestibular sense is a function of the inner ear and usually works in conjunction with sight. For instance, you’re able to ride in a car without feeling dizzy or nauseous because your vestibular and visual systems are sending matching signals to your brain; motion sickness occurs when these signals become mixed. The sensation of moving up or down in an elevator is an example of your vestibular system working in isolation. You can read more about how the vestibular system works on the STAR Institute’s website.

See below for a quick guide on identifying vestibular seeking, avoiding, and discrimination issues in children.

Vestibular Seekers May:

  • Appear to have hyperactivity or behavioral issues. 
  • Constantly be in motion—running, jumping, spinning, or climbing on furniture, etc.
  • Love being upside down and spinning in circles, but never seem to get dizzy.
  • Engage in fast, impulsive, or unintentionally rough movement while playing.
  • Have trouble concentrating while sitting or be unable to sit still for even short periods of time.

Vestibular Avoiders May:

  • Don’t lift, tilt, or move your child without giving a warning.
  • Hold your child’s hand while walking to provide grounding and support.
  • Use a footstool if your child’s feet can’t comfortably touch the ground while sitting.
  • Provide calm alternatives to playground activities, such as hiking or catch.
  • Teach your child to focus on a static point inside the vehicle to avoid motion sickness.
  • Work on calming strategies and develop a plan for how to exit overwhelming situations.
  • Provide a quiet place to lie down after motion sickness or headaches.

Those with Vestibular Discrimination Disorder May:

  • Appear clumsy or uncoordinated.
  • Have poor posture or jerky, awkward movements.
  • Have difficulty determining their head or body position.
  • Be unable to determine their speed and direction of movement.
  • Have difficulty distinguishing right vs. left and may not appear to have a dominant hand.
  • Be unable to tell when they’re starting to fall and unable to catch themselves in time.
  • Have poor spatial awareness and depth perception.

Executive Functioning: A Perfect COVID Project

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

Summer’s in full swing, and fall—particularly the return to school—looms large on the horizon. So many headlines over the past few months have focused on what went wrong with the quick shift to e-learning last spring: technological and logistical barriers, interrupted coursework, and social setbacks. There’s so much focus on what hasn’t been achieved that we seem to have lost focus on what our children can be doing with this time—learning new skills, creating good habits, and working on executive functioning.

Executive functioning is what gives us our sense of independence and self-sufficiency. It’s how we’re able to set and stick to a schedule, determine the steps needed to complete a task, set a goal for ourselves, and evaluate our own performance along the way. Many parents—especially special needs parents—tend to absorb these responsibilities for our children. Now that COVID has forced us to slow down a bit, take this opportunity to help your child develop the skills that will benefit him his entire life—no matter what COVID brings us this fall.

Focus on the parts, not the whole.

  • Help your child identify a simple, clear goal, such as cleaning his room, making his bed, or finishing his book report. Work with him to break the larger goal down into small, manageable chunks. You might divide the room into different sections, break the book report out by paragraph, or create a step-by-step list of how to change the sheets.
  • Give him as much choice as possible about the order and specific way in which he completes each task. (“What’s one thing you can pick up off the floor? What part of your book do you want to write about today? Should we change the sheets or pillows first?”)
  • You will need to take the lead at first, but work on slowly letting your child take over more and more of the work, planning, and decision making for each task. Wait until he’s mastered each step before moving on to the next one. Note: This will be frustrating. He will be slow, make a mess, and do it his way—but you must let him do it! 
  • Talk about strategies you use in your own life and how you’ve applied them to different situations. Have him tell you about a time he was able to complete a task and how he might be able to use what he’s learned. (“When I cleaned my room, I broke it down into small chunks. I can break my book report down into small chunks, too.”)
  • Use photos, checklists, or other visual aids to help illustrate individual steps in a larger process, and make sure to keep them in context—bathroom routines should be hung in the bathroom, homework reminders in the study area, etc.
  • Celebrate the small victories! Make sure to give your child plenty of praise and positive reinforcement. Call out each step he mastered in order to accomplish his overarching goal, and remember he’s worked very hard—never tell him any part of it was “easy” or that he “could’ve done it all along.”

 

Learn what motivates your child.

  • That being said, there is nothing wrong with some external motivation. A reward, even a small one, gives your child stakes in a chore or task he might otherwise try to avoid. Just be sure to focus on positive rather than negative reinforcement—reward him for completing a goal, but don’t punish him or take something away for failing to do so.
  • Whether your child is intrinsically or extrinsically motivated, make sure his goal is clearly articulated and as specific and focused as possible. If his goal is, “I want to be better at math,” help him break it down into tangible steps or milestones, like “I want to get 100% on a math assignment” or, “I want to work with my math flashcards three days a week.”
  • Teach your child to make connections between his goals and the specific things he needs to learn or practice in order to accomplish them. Use open-ended questions and let him work out the process on his own as much as possible. (“What do you want to accomplish with your math today? What small things can you do to work on that? What worked well last time, and what can you do differently? How will you know when you’ve reached your goal?”)

Some final thoughts:

  • Your example is powerful. Talk with your child about things you want to accomplish in your own life, what aspects of the process you find rewarding or challenging, and how you’re evaluating and adjusting as you go.
  • Likewise, talk about failure and setbacks. Very few of us accomplish everything we set out to do on the first try. Emphasize that mistakes are expected, that they are how we learn, and that there is almost always a chance to try again.
  • Make sure your goals are right-sized. If your child’s having trouble getting a particular thing done every day, shift to just a couple times a week. Be flexible and try not to overwhelm him with an overly rigid schedule or an unrealistic timeline.

Struggling with Pandemic Parenting? Time to Dust Off Your Sensory Toolkit.

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

As many states continue to pause their reopening plans due to a surge in COVID-19 cases, so many parents, particularly those with special needs children, are once again feeling like the world has been turned upside down. Routines are broken, resources are no longer available, the structure and social supports of school are gone. All the hard work you’ve done to set your child up for success in class, in enrichment activities, with peer groups and friends—it’s all out the window.

We all know that sensory regulation is key to your child’s ability to self-regulate and that tending proactively to sensory issues can be a game changer. Remember, the deregulation and processing issues you’re seeing now are not new—you’ve managed them before, pre-COVID, and you have the tools to tackle them now, even with diminished support from the outside world. How can you recreate those supports in your home, with your resources, in a way that is only dependent on you? It’s time to dust off your old set of tools, roll up your sleeves, and rebuild.

Take stock of what’s been lost due to COVID-related closures.

  • Your child may no longer be spending time in certain physical spaces—not just classrooms, but also gyms, swimming pools, and playgrounds. Because many families rely on school or public access to these spaces, some of your child’s favorite physical or stimulating activities might not be available to her.
  • Your child may no longer be experiencing clear, multi-sensory transitions from one space or activity to another, such as hearing a bell to start and end each class or having time to recenter on the walk home from school. This can have a negative effect on her ability to manage her own activities and perceive the passage of time.
  • Your child may not be receiving the same amount of “social practice” and real-time feedback from friends and classmates. Similarly, she may not be receiving the kinds of personalized coaching, behavioral reinforcement, and social guidance provided by highly trained teachers, coaches, and counselors.
  • Finally, everyone in the family may be experiencing frustration and confusion as they are forced to adapt to new tasks, roles, and responsibilities. Parents used to working full-time and managing mostly weekends and after school routines are now finding themselves solely responsible for round-the-clock childcare, teaching, and housekeeping. Siblings used to seeing each other for only a couple hours a day are now forced to be constant companions and playmates.

 

Commit some time to re-learning your child’s sensory profile.

  • Identify the places, situations, and tasks where your child tends to struggle. Is she distracted by lights or loud noises? Does she panic when asked to give a friend or family member a hug? Does she gag when trying new foods? (Check out our ongoing Sensory Spotlight series for more on how to identify and support sensory sensitivities.)
  • Pay attention to how your child’s deregulation manifests. Is she constantly seeking your attention, even if it’s negative? Does she become withdrawn and anxious when overwhelmed? Is her bedtime routine a struggle every single night?
  • Get input from your child about what she needs and prefers throughout the day. When possible, give her choices about the way she performs certain tasks or the order in which she completes each step in a larger process. Let her decide whether she does her homework at the kitchen table or the desk in her room, the order in which she performs her bedtime routine, or the activities she does during quiet time.
  • Work on creating good transition habits and pay careful attention to how your child’s sensory processing can affect her ability to move smoothly from one activity to another. See our previous article on building good transitions for tips.
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Work on integrating more sensory experiences into your everyday life.

  • Have your child help with household chores that have a sensory component. Sweeping the floor and sorting laundry have a strong visual component. Cooking incorporates many different textures, smells, and tastes. Even something as simple as carrying in grocery bags can provide the pressure craved by proprioceptive and tactile seekers.
  • If you’re able and feel comfortable, take your child along on trips to the grocery store or other small errands. Bright lights, busy environments, and new sounds and smells can be great for visual, olfactory, and auditory seekers.
  • Get creative with your play. Matching, category, and “same or different” games with toys or other household items are great for children with discrimination issues. Take an afternoon and build forts, Lego cities, or even your own sensory table. Play soccer, catch, or frisbee to work on proprioception and hand/eye coordination.
  • If your child needs more help with regulation and stimulation, consider contacting an occupational therapist and asking about incorporating a Sensory Diet—a regimented, highly personalized set of physical activities that your child can do at home. (Learn more here.)

Sensory Spotlight: Tactile (Touch)

by Twenty-One Senses TeamLeave a comment

This is the fourth installment in our Sensory Spotlight series.

The tactile system is responsible for the body’s ability to perceive pressure, temperature, traction, and pain. Children with tactile processing issues may have an unusually high or low pain threshold and be very particular about the texture of their clothing, toys, and other surfaces. You can read more about how the tactile system works on the STAR Institute’s website.

See below for a quick guide on identifying tactile seeking, avoiding, and discrimination issues in children.

Tactile Seekers May:

  • Prefer toys, clothing, and food with varied or specific textures. 
  • Constantly touch or fiddle with clothing, surfaces, or other objects.
  • Crave hugs, kisses, and other frequent or prolonged contact with others.
  • Prefer messy play and activities, such as finger paint, play doh, and sand.
  • Tend to play too rough and accidentally harm others while playing.
  • Have difficulty recognizing and respecting others’ personal boundaries.
  • Have a higher than normal pain threshold and might not notice minor injuries.

Tactile Avoiders May:

  • Avoid toys, clothing, or food with specific textures.
  • Dislike being touched, hugged, or kissed, even by parents.
  • Avoid getting dirty and avoid playing in sand, dirt, or grass.
  • Dislike their hair or skin being wet and avoid swimming and bathing.
  • Refuse to wear tight, scratchy, or uncomfortable clothing with seams or tags.
  • Avoid play with other children and constantly worry about being touched or bumped.
  • Become anxious in crowded spaces or when standing even somewhat close to others.
  • Have a low pain threshold and respond to even light touch as if in pain.

Those with Tactile Discrimination Disorder May:

  • Not notice when they’re being touched.
  • Be unable to gauge the temperature of food and drinks.
  • Have difficulty identifying or distinguishing objects by feel.
  • Tend to play too rough and accidentally injure themselves or others.
  • Have difficulty recognizing and respecting others’ personal boundaries.
  • Have a high pain threshold and might not notice minor injuries.
  • Use too much pressure when writing or playing and frequently break pencils or toys.
  • Have difficulty performing certain motor tasks, such as getting dressed or riding a bike.